By One of the harder things to do as you get older is meet people and make connections. If you’re an introvert I imagine it is always hard to make friends. I consider myself an extroverted introvert or introverted extrovert. I was decidedly more extroverted in college, where many people joked that I could talk to a brick wall during sorority rush. I can still talk someone’s ear off, but I tend to be a little shy/guarded when meeting new people.
So what is a person to do? Come to the Mary’s School of meeting people! I’m presuming you have an event you’re going to that you’re nervous about. If not then there is…
Step 0 – Go somewhere to meet people
People are not going to be knocking on your door and ask to hang out…you have to get out there and find them. There is a meet up app that houses all sorts of events to attend for free or $. Sign up and go. Or search organizations that you like for networking activities and social events. To challenge yourself, try to schedule one a month (or start smaller and choose one each quarter).
Step 1 – Have a game plan
The two biggest hurdles to meeting people are: 1) not knowing how to introduce yourself and 2) not knowing what to talk about it
That’s why those speed networking or even speed dating events are so popular. On both there is a set question to be asked; a ‘forced’ foot in the door and an exit strategy.
All you have to do is create the equivalent for your event. How do you introduce yourself? Easiest is to stand near the buffet or drink line if there’s food or drink being served. If there’s a leader, get to the event early and chat them up about the event or activity. If it is a sit down, turn to your left/right and introduce yourself. Shoot – you can even meet people waiting in the valet line or in the restroom.
Prior to the day/activity, have at least 10 questions in mind to trigger conversation. Here are a few good ones: ‘Have you come to one of these events before?’; ‘Any big plans this weekend?’ ; ‘Any big vacations planned this year?’; ‘Did you watch the NN game last night?’; ‘I’m always looking for a new book to read, have you read any good ones lately?’ Of course if this is a networking event, there are decidedly more business-y focused questions. This guys from Sandler always suggested introducing yourself and then finding a way that you can help the other person.
From your perspective, your goal is to get the person talking…and determine if there is some common values, likes or interests. Your job in the first intro is to do less talking and more listening.
Exit strategies – sometimes you get stuck talking to someone and you run out of conversation…or you realize you have nothing in common. You can be honest and tell them that or you can have a couple of white lies -‘Will you excuse me, I need to run to the ladies room’ or ‘I’ve got an urgent call I need to take’ or if you have are attending with someone, have them grab you.
Step 2 – Dive into the deep end
Deep breathe and then jump off that diving board into the deep end. The reality is that most people aren’t particularly comfortable meeting others, so you have that in common already. If you stumble, no worries…just try and try again.
Step 3 – Follow up
If you find your new bestie friend/network buddy, make sure that you get contact info (you can offer yours first). Don’t do it in a cheesy/stalker way. Something like this would work ‘I really have enjoyed our conversation and I’d like to hear more about NN, can I give you my contact info or can we exchange contact info’.
And when this happens, make sure you follow up. if you wait two-three weeks they won’t remember you. So shoot them a text (people text more than call these days) and arrange for a call/lunch/coffee.
And if someone says No…then bounce back. The presumption I would make is the person has too much going on or maybe is not in a good place to meet new people…It really is them and not you.
I had to meet a bunch of new people at Skyterra. They scheduled a welcome meeting at the start of the week where each person went around the room and said who they were, where they were from and what they hoped to get out of the week. What I did was pay attention to where people were from so I could bring that up when I met them. After that I typically started with ‘what class are you taking next? what has been your favorite class so far? did you like what you had for lunch?’ Anything to get the person talking. On the cruise I went on I simply blurted out ‘Hi, I’m Mary. I’m traveling alone, can I join you for breakfast?’ And then would talk about travel.
Now…I personaly don’t bring up children or spouses, because I have neither and know that I can’t contribute to the conversation (and don’t want to open up my emotional baggage). But I do have a dog…and somewhere in the convo I’ll mention her to see if we have pet ownership as commonality.
Things to avoid: We all know this…but don’t bring up politics, religion, sex…and if you’re trying to lead a healthy positive life don’t bring up complaints or health issues either. No one wants to hear about you voted for or your bursitis.
Good luck! If you have any other suggestions, please DM and I’ll update!
