By I tend to be reflective around certain dates – like my birthday or New Year’s Eve/Day. I reflect on what I’ve accomplished (or didn’t accomplish) in the preceding year. For New Year’s, I consider what I’d like to accomplish in the upcoming year. There are other significant dates (Christmas, Easter, sibling birthdays) that trigger fond and/or funny memories.
There are other big days that trigger me to ruminate…and one big one is today. May 27. On May 27, 2000 I got married at Northside United Methodist Church, pledging ’til death do us part’ in front of God, friends and family. Apparently the definition of ’til death do us part’ varies. I took my marriage vows seriously. While it wasn’t the love of a lifetime, I didn’t think it was that bad and I was willing to stay in it because I made a commitment. My spouse felt differently. My marriage ended in divorce in March 2015, after a separation that started June 2014 when I returned home from a business trip in Arizona (not a great time to visit Arizona). We had just moved back from Louisiana. We were squabbling, but no more than any couple. I was reeling still from my mother’s death in March. Ironically (or pathetically) I had just said to my coworkers when we moved back how loving and kind Chris had been during this trying time for me. I went through the stages of grief …never really got angry…I thought he’d come to his senses, but he didn’t and so that’s that.
That was now almost 10 years ago (10 years since he made the announcement during dinner at my favorite Sushi place about conscious uncoupling which made me want to barf). I’m an analytical person, so I’ve thought about the relationship and its demise entirely too much. But I can’t turn back time, so here I am today. I’m incredibly thankful to Roswell United Methodist Church for offering a divorce support course.
I’ve been on one coffee date (back in 2015)…I am on eHarmony, but no Mr. Right or Mr Okay has shown up yet. There are days that I am lonely because I miss going to dinner or having a conversation about the day’s activities. If I’m honest, there were days in my marriage when I was lonely. Marriage is no guarantee for conversations and fun.
I don’t know what the future holds. If the internet is right, I’m more likely to be hit by a bolt of lightening than to meet someone at my age. Cynically I think most guys my age are looking for women 1/2 their age. I don’t think I’m giving off ‘Stay away’ vibes. Maybe I am. I know I don’t look like JLo, but I’m not trying to marry …well I guess I can’t say Ben Affleck, since I think their relationship is over. What I’m trying to relay is that I don’t have unrealistic expectations. I get annoyed when I get advice from married people…because they have no idea what it is like today to date. I guess technically, given my track record, neither do I.
So I pray and get a little sad a few days before and after and try to create new memories, so that May 27th means something different. Last year, I took my niece to see Ed Sheeran last year which was great! In 2018, I took my sister to Hamilton, which was also great. I’m slowly (like a turtle) moving forward.
