By When I put this blog together I thought it was going to be more focused on Risk Management software, the industry and career anecdotes. I am a firm believer in evolution – evolution of beings, evolution of relationships, evolution of companies and apparently evolution of blogs. I let my fingers do the typing — whatever is on my mind pours out. And during this time of year, I’ve been thinking about Christmas and Christianity and what that means to me.
I was raised a Methodist. Every Sunday my parents had us in a pew at St. John’s United Methodist Church in Sandy Springs (fun fact – it still is there). I was in youth handbell and youth choir. I was confirmed in my early teens. Following graduation from SMU I stayed in Dallas for work and joined Highland Park United Methodist Church choir. Like many people in my 20s and 30s, I was not particularly religious as I found my way and went through the usual bumps in life that you go through as you grow up.
I can’t say there was this amazing a-ha moment where I was brought to Christ…which would mean I probably can’t ever be a Baptist (that’s a funny joke for those of you who are Methodist or Baptist). No multitude of angels showed up at my window and sang to me. No burning bush spoke to me.
And yet…
There have been a few moments. The first big moment I can recall was in 1989. I was at school in Dallas. My parents called and said mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she was going in for mastectomy surgery the next day, because it was that serious. I was devastated. I couldn’t get home, which is all I wanted to do. I remember not being able to think straight, not being able to sleep. I left the sorority house late that night and wandered all around SMU’s campus, crying and praying to God to take care of my mom. I was pretty much inconsolable. I was walking on Bishop Boulevard by the Med Center and looked up ahead at the main Fountain across from the Student Center. I swear that I saw an angel. He was dressed like anyone else, but I swear I saw wings for just a moment and then he tucked them in or they vanished. Of course I thought I was crazy. But I also had been fervently praying to God for some sign, so I thought that was a pretty big sign. I talked to this person/angel about how worried I was about my mother. We both stared into the fountain and talked for awhile. He told me everything was going to be okay. I wish I could remember more about what he said. I wish I had been smart enough to ask all about what plans God had for me. I remember being comforted, being in awe, being a little scared and yet not scared. Now it could be I imagined the wings and this was just a random stranger who I bumped into at the fountain who shared some kind words with me. What I say to that is if that were the case, then don’t we all have opportunities to be angels in the world – providing comfort to those who are in need? I still think it was an angel. Unless someone can find the guy in Dallas from Spring, 1989 who remembers talking to me..
There have been other moments, that perhaps I’ll share in another blog post. I firmly believe that God speaks to us, but sometimes it is in whispers. He has guided me to be where I am today. I can’t say that I know or understand His plan for me at all. And that can be frustrating when you want to be in control. And that’s part of the lesson to be learned here – you’re not in control. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Being a Christian and going to church is not going to prevent the pain and hurt of life. That’s life. What it will do is provide comfort and support – a helping hand and support when you need it; a celebration hug and dance when something wonderful happens.
I do talk to God. I share my concerns about what is going on in my life. Lately, with my friend Cammie’s help/encouragement, I’ve been working on praying and leading others. I’ve been transforming my prayers from their focus on me to a focus on ‘Thy will be done.’
I freely admit I falter all the time on my Christian journey. But I keep trying. Being a Christian doesn’t mean perfection. For me Christianity is about love and forgiveness. And we need that today more than ever.
Mary
