By You may have noticed that the number of blog posts have decreased considerably this year. Initially this drop was due to my being focused on Mavis’ health and well-being. Sadly a week ago (over a week ago), I had to let her go. Now I stare at a blank blog post and no words come to mind.
I miss Mavis and I worry that I caused her to suffer. My thoughts then swing to that I gave up too quickly. I’m assured by family and friends (and the vet), that I did all I could do.
One of my friends sent me this Winnie the Pooh quote:
I haven’t had any dreams about Mavis yet. I hope she’ll come visit me in my dreams and let me know she’s okay. I’d like to think Mavis and Roxie are frolicking with Speedy and Trixie, and all the other Upshaw dogs that are up in doggie Heaven.
I do remember right after my mom died, I had an incredibly vivid dream about her. We were at our family home and she was standing at the end of the hallway. I came out of my bedroom and gasped when I saw her. I ran down the hallway as fast as I could and grabbed her in a big bear hug. I hugged her tightly, crying out how much I loved her and missed her and how happy I was to see her. She hugged me. I don’t remember if she said anything, isn’t that weird? The hug felt incredibly real. I do know she was lucid/back to her original self, before dementia stole her away. The analyst in me knows dreams are often are brain’s way of processing life. For a long time, I used to have dreams about SQL queries…not my favorite dreams.
Anyway, there’s no point to this blog, or is there? I guess the point is that sometimes in life you have to go through the motions. And so I do laundry and make my bed and write blogs and work with my clients, even though my heart is not fully present.
And life goes on. The air is cooling off. The days are shorter. Life goes on.
Time will perhaps soften some of the harsh memories and dull the heartache.