Where do you belong?

There’s a light-hearted song from Mean Girls the musical called where do you belong. It captures a lot of the baloney that occurs in high school and the intense desire as teenagers to belong. I recall my high school days when I wanted the same hair style (Mariah Carey ringlet curls that are simply not achievable with my baby fine straight hair), same pair of jeans (Guess – which my mom refused to pay for because they were too expensive). Lord knows I’ve suffered through enough perms in my desire for curls with very little success. No curls and lots of stinky perm fumes. Does that feeling to belong ever go away?

Mean Girls (the original) was filmed in 2004. So at least in the 2000s there was still an issue with bullies and peer pressure and fitting in. I am hopeful the latest generation has evolved from that. There does seem to be more focus on acceptance of differences, so that is a positive.

Making the rounds on Instagram is an interview with Brené Brown in which she talks about looking for evidence you belong. I found two youtube shorts, shared within this post that I hope you’ll take time to watch.

This first one defines fitting in vs. belonging. From research, the two words are polar opposites (though prior to this I used them interchangeably). Fitting in is about changing who you are and potentially betraying your true self in order to be part of a desired group. From a professional standpoint this still occurs (although perhaps there are some fractures in this general rule). In general when interviewing you put your best self forward, which is good. But if you want to be in the accounting consulting space, you do have to play the part – wearing your conservative blue suit to the interview. You won’t fit in if you walk into an interview with hot pink hair and ripped jeans. In contrast, if you wore that same conservative blue suit to an interview with a marketing firm, they may assume from your dress that you wouldn’t be successful in their culture. In both instances there are some pretty big assumptions being made by the interviewers. And we all know that to assume makes an ASS out of U and ME (that joke never gets old).

The second video is about how your thoughts project the narrative you see. If you don’t think you belong, then you look for examples/”proof” that fulfills this belief. The nugget of wisdom is what comes next – that you should never let your worth or value be determined by others. This video is actually what I initially saw on instagram and struck a chord with me.

Our worth and our belonging are not negotiated with other people. We carry those inside of our hearts.

Brené Brown

God made you the way you are, with all the imperfections and quirks. He loves you. He sees your value and wants you to see it, too. If you feel like you don’t belong, just know that you belong with Him and to Him.

Never forget that.