By In the musical Oklahoma’s song “I cain’t say no!”, poor Ado Annie laments about the trouble she gets into because she says yes when she ought to have said no. While her issues are with her beaus’ advances, there is a valuable lesson to be learned here. Saying no can help you, even though you may really want to say yes. Being a product of my generation, I can hear Nancy Reagan saying ‘Just say no!’, can’t you? Seriously though – setting boundaries/drawing your line in the sand ultimately protects you from overextending yourself.
I recently entered into semi-retirement. Almost immediately I received requests for projects, some small, some large. My tendency is to say yes whenever anyone asks. Luckily my friend Cammie had recently given me a book called Boundaries. I haven’t finished it yet, but I am already feeling its impact as I stare at the book’s cover, reminding me that saying yes isn’t always the best answer.
Recently I said no to a project…the decision was difficult as it was something new to me that I found extremely interesting. I phrased my decline as ‘not now’. They may choose to wait or may not. What I knew is that in my current mindset, I would not be as successful as I could have been. I was still decompressing. The last time I changed jobs (from CS STARS to Origami Risk), I took a weekend off. I learned the hard way from taking no time off between jobs that you really need time (I believe in the UK they call it garden time) to clear your head, so that you can start your first day at the new adventure ‘bright eyed and bushy tailed’. For most of my career, but especially the last 3 years, I had no work-life balance. I worked harder than I should have/needed to at the cost of my physical and mental well-being. I know I need to return my body and mind to a healthy state before I start anything new.
It’s not easy making this choice to say no. I feel guilty. But I keep reminding myself that saying no now will allow me to refresh/recharge and ultimately allow me to say YES later with 100% enthusiasm and energy.
To inspire you, here is a picture from the ‘border’ – coming off the plane in Germany a few years back. Mostly I liked the advert. Let’s discover a world of unseen potential, by setting proper boundaries!
