By I watched Jesus Revolution on Netflix the other night. There were several a-ha moments as I watched it. There were two quotes in particular from that movie that I’ve pulled out to write on. All are part of the process to finding Mary 2.0. Maybe you’re in a similar search and this will help you in your journey too.
I kept searching and searching and I just finally got to the end of it, and there was still a void.
That was a quote from Lonnie Frisbee as he talks to Chuck Smith about how he came to Christ. While I cannot say that I’ve done all the things that Lonnie did (thankfully), I can say that I have definitely been searching and trying to fill this empty feeling. I thought maybe promotions, money, power might soothe the yearning. I definitely have drunk wine and while that felt great in the moment, the next day was never as fun. (reminds me of the Indigo Girls’ Closer I am to fine – “And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board; Twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before And I went in seeking clarity”.
Lonnie called it a void. You may call it searching for the meaning of life. Perhaps we are all born with this desire? It is the fear that we have no meaning; no purpose or value in life. For many women, becoming a mother provides that purpose. I wasn’t given that opportunity, and for a while I built up not becoming a mother to be the super nova black hole of voids. It sucked all happiness out of me. I thank my friends and family and my dogs Roxie and Mavis for pulling me away from those thoughts. Roles don’t define you. We are all so much more than the titles we give each other.
“You say that you are looking for the truth, but I think you are really just looking for an excuse to be unhappy.”.
That quote is from Cathe when Greg is ending their relationship and talking about searching for truth. I practically fell off my sofa when I heard her say that. We all fall into that trap of being afraid to be happy and looking for any excuse to be unhappy. You know when someone says the weather is great and your reply is ‘I hear it is supposed to rain later’. Don’t be the Debbie Downer! It’s not to say that we all have to be fake and not acknowledge when we’re down. I am saying don’t look for an excuse to be unhappy. Try to find joy where you can. Look at all the blessings in your life.
You define you. By what you have in your life, what you prioritize, where you spend your money and time. Are you spending it connecting with others? connecting with God? or connecting with your sofa and binging on Amazon Prime and Netflix? or vegging out on social media? or playing games on your phone?
I thought this blog was going to be me journalling about my next career move, and it will definitely have posts about that. I won’t define myself solely by my career. This time is about discovering who God wants me to be. And I’m listening and looking for Him.
